Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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