i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
