dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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