I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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