i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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