Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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