We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
