I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
