I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
