I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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