You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
