The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
