Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
