i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
