oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
