just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
