It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
