did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I accidentally burped into my bong.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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