Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
