I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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