____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
