stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
