My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
