So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
