So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
