Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
