I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
