maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
