dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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