She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
