was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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