Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
