You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
