To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
