youre lurking in front of me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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