i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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