The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
