i think my tv is drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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