If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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