So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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