if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
