i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
