last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
