do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
