When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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