Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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