Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
