proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
