Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
