the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
