Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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