So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
