Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if only i could text you this smell
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
