ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
