I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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