Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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