Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
