The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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