Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
