i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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